Dreaming of Summer March 18, 2009

Today is a beautiful sunny day which has me really looking forward to summer.  This summer I driving back to Oklahoma.  It will be my first California to Oklahoma driving trip.  I moved out her in a plane and every timeI have visited home since then I have flown.  So this is going to be a great fun experience.  Joining me on the great adventure are my brothers Ryan and Jared.  Originally it was just going to be Ryan but then Jared decided he wanted to come along too.  It is either going to be crazy fun or a complete disaster.  I am really getting excited and it is still 3 months away.  Last night I booked our hotel rooms for the trip.  I wanted to make sure we had a place to crash at night.  So we are staying one night in Kingman, AZ and the next night in Albuquerque, NM.  The two places are only like 6 hours apart but we are making a detour at the Grand Canyon.

I have wanted to visit the Grand Canyon since I was a little girl.  This is the year of visiting places I have wanted to visit since I was a child.  Last month I went to the Alamo and now this summer the Grand Canyon.  I am so excited.  My brothers and I plan on trying to do fun things along the trip.  We are going to stop and random places and we plan to only eat at local restaurants.  So if you have ever made this trip and you have suggestions, we would love to have them.

Emotional Roller Coasters March 7, 2009

This week has been an emotional roller coaster for me.  I think it will probably go down as one of the worst weeks of my life.  Well it will probably make the top 10.   After 5 years of looking, searching, debating, and praying I finally decided to make contact with my biological father.  I finally decided that no matter the outcome I would have closure of the situation.  I mailed him a letter last Friday and on  Monday I got a call from him.  The call went really well I felt and we closed it with let’s have another conservation soon.  I was elated.  I could not things had went so well, it was more than I could have ever hoped for.  I could not believe that after all this time I might get to have some sort of a relationship with him. 

Fast forward to Wednesday and another call from him.  This time him saying he really felt he was not my father but that someone else was.  This was the response I had always figured I would get.  This person of course does not want me to know his name.  I of course already do because my mother had already told me everything.  On Wednesday thought I was so broken down.  I felt for a time that my whole life was a lie.  I was physically sick.  I then realized in a way I did this to myself. I could have left it alone, I could have just continued to go through life the way I was.  But as I was praying about the situation and the hurt.  I felt God telling me, but this is what you wanted.  You wanted closure it whatever form it came and I did get that.  I also learned a few things about myself this week.  Things that I already probably knew but things I needed to  be reminded of.   First off, no matter who my biological/earthly father is I have a heavenly Father who loves me no matter what or who I am.  He loves me no matter where I came from and his love will never die.  Second, I have an amazing family who loves me unconditionally.  They were all happy for me when it looked like it might work out and they were all supported when I felt like the sky was crashing down on me.  Lastly, I also realized I don’t really need the answer to this question like I thought I did.  I am ok with knowing just what I know.  I am still me, no matter who my father is. 

This week actually eneded on a a high for me.  I had a great time last night hanging out with the girls.  We had our monthly girls night.  Then  tonight I am going out with friends to celebrate a good friends birthday.  One of the first people I met here in Cali.  I went to Weight Watchers this morning and I found I met my first weight loss goal.  I have lost 5% of my weight.  It is a beautiful day today.  The sun is shining, the sky is blue, it is about 60 degrees and I am free to be me!!

Questions with no answers December 21, 2008

So I arrived back in Oklahoma this week to spend Christmas with my family and friends.  Which always brings up lots of questions from everyone.  Questions like:  Are you ever moving back?  Are you in a relationship?  Do you miss Oklahoma?  Are you totally California now?  I never know how to answer these questions.  I honestly don’t know the answer to them.  I don’t know if I will come back, the future is unpredictable.  I just keep following God, he led me to California and I know He has a plan for me.  I have to keep constantly reminding myself of that.  I forget to just follow.  I am always trying to make a plan.  The relationship question always gets me the most.  I want the answer to that to be yes, but at the same time I don’t just want to be in one for the sake of being in one.  I want to be in the right relationship.  I am tired of being alone and lonely.  Today the thought crossed my mind…How great would it be to bring someone home this summer to meet my friends and family.  Maybe it will happen, maybe it won’t I just have to keep my trust in God.

It has been a long while… December 11, 2008

I have no good reason for writing on here for so long.  I guess I have just been so bored by my life that I felt I had nothing good to share.  Today however I am very reflective on life so I thought I would share.

Yesterday I wrote my grandparents Christmas Newsletter as I was on the phone with my grandma reflecting on the year I realized something.  My family is very blessed.  As I was typing the words: This is six years cancer free!!  It really struck me, we are so blessed.  Six years later we still have my Granddad when at first we were told six months.  Also, this past year my cousin Nick made it home safe from his second tour in Iraq.  My cousin’s husband is currently there but I know that God is in control of the situation.

As you can probably tell my family is very important to me.  They are the craziest, loudest, noisest, most loving people you will ever meet.  I have always noticed that when my family gets together we try to out yell each other.  I think we think that whoever yells their conservation the loudest wins.  So with that in mind let me tell you are Christmas plans.  They are the best we have ever had.  Since it has been a rough year for my family finacially (both of my uncle’s compaines took big hits) we decided no gifts this year.  Instead we are having a Mexican Train Domino Tournament.  It cost $5.00 to join and winner takes all!!  This was my idea and I am proud of it.  Someone at church told me their family had done this and it just had my family written all over it.  We are super compective with one another.  So to continue the mexican theme we are having mexican food.  This is going to be the best Christmas ever!!

So a week from today I leave for Oklahoma to spend Christmas with my family.  I will try and be a little better about writing on here.  Also today is my brother Ryan’s 21st Birthday so Happy Birthday Ryan!!!

 

Happy Birthday Ryan!!

Call Brooke and tell her she can keep the worm..I’m getting a hamster!! August 25, 2008

That is what my cousin’s six year old daughter said to me when I called her today.  My cousin and her family head back to Germany today after being in Oklahoma for almost 3 months.  I was ready to leave after 5 weeks so I know she is more than ready to leave.  The worm and hamster thing is because Faith (the 6yr) found a worm at her grandma’s house and was keeping it for a pet.  Last night she realized she could not take it back to Germany with her and it caused some major drama I am told.  So now that she is getting a hamster she is doing the generous thing and letting her cousin Brooke have the worm.

So now onto another completely unrelated topic.  Today is my 1 year anniversary of moving to California.  This time last year I was on my way to the Tulsa airport to catch a flight to San Jose.  I am going to be completely honest I was scared to death.  So I have spent today thinking about all the changes in my life in the last year.  Some have been huge, some have been scary, and some really not that bad at all.  As I drove Danielle to school this morning I realized that the traffic did not bother me anymore.  Last year it scared me to death.  As I hung out with friends yesterday after church I realized I was very blessed.  All in all it has been a good year, I still have moments of homesickness, but when I go back to Oklahoma to visit I get homesick for California.  I guess at this moment I am torn between two worlds.

Finally….Vacation July 9, 2008

Well things are finally going a little better.  On Sunday my brother dropped me off in Broken Arrow at my aunt & uncle’s on his was home to Springfield.  My Grandma is also staying here and she and I have been making a quilt for the last two days.  I have also been picking on my little cousins.  I am driving Bailey crazy with my random singing.  It seems like everytime someone says something it reminds me of a song and I start singing. 

My mom got a little more bad new on the the trailor this week but she is handling this much better.  She found out that the company who was going to move it for her now does not really want too.  So she is on a waiting list at another company and they can not move her until July 31st.  Also we will have to move all the furniture out of it that we just moved in on Saturday.  So I may get my  wish to not help move, but I feel bad about it.

Tomorrow if all goes well I am going to go to the zoo with my cousins and their kids.  It ought to be complete chaos.  I am happy that things are going a little better.  I still have not had enough time to spend with my friends.  On that note I want to wish my best friend Sommer a Happy 30th Birthday!!  Sommer I honestly don’t know what I would do without you!! 

I am really going to try and get some pictures posted soon.  I promise!  But for now I am going to get off of here and enjoy the wonderful thunderstorm that we are having!  I have missed these storms.

rescue me please! July 6, 2008

Sorry I have not updated on here as much as I would have liked too.  Things have not been going well here.  I think I would actually describe it as hell on earth.  Even as I write this it is not good.  I will never doubt my decision to stay in California again.

There is good news.  I had fun with my family yesterday.  The grandchildren, I being one of them, had a group picture made for our grandparents and we had fun doing that.  I had a great time hanging out with all of my cousins.  I will post pictures soon I promise I just cant find my cord to my camera right now!

I have not got to hang out with my friends really any.  My mom’s move is dominating my life.  It is a constant us kids getting yelled at so I have had to cancel all my plans.  Tomorrow I am going to my aunts house for a few days so that maybe It can enjoy some of my vacation.  I am looking forward to camp.

I cant write anymore right now my mom is stomping around the house and glaring at me which is code for I have yet again done something wrong.

Cant wait to see all of you!!

Home Sweet Oklahoma! June 26, 2008

Well I am right now sitting in my mom’s living  room.  I am so tired!  My hometown looks the same.  My brother and I just got back from the new Wal-Mart Supercenter it is nice, but small.  So overall everything is the same.

I set next to the coolest people today on both of my flights.  On my flight from Phoenix to Tulsa I set next to a man named John who he and his son are involved in a really awesome ministry  program.  He was so much fun to talk to.  On both of my flights I was sitting next to Christ followers and we had these great conservations about God and all the wonderful blessings that he has done in our lives.  It was a great day of flying.   So tomorrow is a busy day I will try and post some pictures of my town here for all of you to see.

The best part of today was after we had dinner.  We stopped at my Aunt & Uncle’s house and I got to see my Cousin Lindsey and her kids.   Lindsey met me on the porch, we have not seen each other in a year , and  he,  daughter Faith, who is 6, ran out to me and was like Aunt Shayla!  She then played her kid guitar for me and sang me songs.  Her song of choice was the Christmas song from the Chipmunk Movie.  Seriously this was the best performance I have seen in months.  My Uncle calls her Shayla the 2nd so apparently there is more than one of me in the world.  Enough for tonight my bed is screaming my name so Goodnight!!

Oklahoma vs California June 22, 2008

So I finally began a blog.  I thought it might come in useful this summer.  I stole your idea Shawna about “in Cali”.  I am starting this blog instead of doing what I should be which is packing and doing a writing assignment.  I leave Cali on Wednesday to go home to Oklahoma for 5 weeks.  This feels like a really long time to me!  I am both looking forward to it and not looking forward to it.  That is really terrible of me.  Whenever I am about to leave a place for a while I always start thinking about all the things I am going to miss.  I am very dramatic!  So I have complied a list of things that I am going to miss in California and a list of things I am looking forward to in Oklahoma.  Here it goes:

Oklahoma

1. Family (It would be bad if I did not mention them)
2. hanging out with Sommer and talking in person!
3. getting into trouble with Melissa and Briea
4. singing at the top of my lungs while we drive down main street in Cushing(also with Melissa and Briea)
5. Sonic!  I need a Strawberry lime aid
6. seeing my cousin Lindsey and all her beautiful babies
7. hearing Faith speak in German
8. hanging out with my brothers
9. teaching my family how to play Apples to Apples
10. Kids Kamp
11. 4th of July with the family

California

1. Once again friends!  I have made so many great friendships here
2. The family I work for!  I am very blessed to have found them
3. the ocean and beach
4. Santa Cruz
5. the view of the mountains out my bedroom window
6. the Weather!!
7. Woodstock Pizza!
8. my wonderful Church

So these were just a few things I thought of and as I made my list I realized how blessed I am.  God has given me a great life in two very different places.  He has surrounded me with people who love me and look out for my best interests.  So I am looking forward to coming home to Oklahoma but also I am already missing California and I have not even left yet.  I really am dramatic!!